I love and hate today. Typhoon no.8 and 9 has been hoisted for over 12 hours.

I loved the long sleep i could have and the fact that we kinda knew that typhoon would be hoisted today so we were just taking it real easy at work and prepare for the long weekend. Yet now i got real bored with staying at home whole day without even getting out of my door step to breathe....Im so contradicted

I love then I hate

I eat then I regret

I kiss then I miss

I reach then I hide

Another boring monday night with nothing to watch on TV and no one to really talk to on messenger. My life's bit pathetic at the moment that i feel without msn and TV, im not half the person I am.

I have been losing plot at work and I really feel tired about doing the same things everyday, go out to the same damn place for lunch...then tonight at home, i tried to test my memories to recall the many emails i have registered, not to my surprise, i lost the plot to guess the password...isnt it finding someone who clicks just same as finding the right password that would unlock your mailbox? Nowadays when people who msn more than talk on phone, who emails more than drop a note, isnt is just the same? When you lost the password assess to your mailbox, it's as if you lost your way to find the right person to unlock your heart's many dreams and desires, promises, expectation and hope??

I have been feeling more than craps for weeks and weeks. Things at work had never brought me so down like now, so demotivated, and yet so lost.

For many times I try or have tried to find my way out on things. Million of remedies have obtained, yet things are not going where they are supposed to be going. Im only human and I still feel the pain.

I can lie to anyone and everyone about how I feel, yet Im painful to admit it all to myself. I can lie to everyone yet I cant to my very own heart and desires. How many more loops I have to go through before I reach the way out? Or if there's a way out at all, i thought i had found it, I was so lost so I keep going back to the dead end road, i know.

Sorry I can't, I just cannot.

You still have the power on me...from long long time ago.

Just a line would melt my heart with my hands shivered. For so many years, time has passed us by, people around just come and go like winds. Yet the feeling for  you is so real, so surreal....

It's a shame you are nothing to me now, this is somehow becomes the power of nothingness.Just like a dark hole in my heart and no one would ever get the way to have it mended.

I have been losing track of time and date and I m not sure if its good or bad things. If not because of the Xmas lights around town, i'd have forgotten Xmas is around the corner. I must have grown up a lot this year that i feel Xmas is no longer magical, yet I love the Christmasy feeling around...of course, if those things that happened in Love Actually could realise and happen on me, then it'd be even better hahaa

Apart fm that, im still busy learning for my job, dealing with those clumsy numbers, learning how to not let myself think of you, ....O' Lord..what a life!